The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
