did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
