Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize