I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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