so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
time to smoke my breakfast
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
