I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
