I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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