I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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