no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
