never play flip cup with pint glasses
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
