I puked a lego.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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