i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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