we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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