i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish i was in the wii world.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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