i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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