I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
