Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
someone owes me an orgasm
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
