im six kinds of drunk right now
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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