you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
