Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
