No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
