Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
