What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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