That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
