I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My ass is underappreciated
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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