help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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