My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
