I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you will always have a special place in my vag
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
