I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
