Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize