there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
