So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
That was an excessively violent trivia night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
