His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
