Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
