allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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