I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
As shirtless as possible
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
