i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
