she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
