turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
