i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He? As in you personified your dick?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
