so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
