1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
