i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize