Fuck appropriateness.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
