Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
