I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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