a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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