Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
