theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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