I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
