It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
