He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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