i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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