I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
