I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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