There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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