its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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