Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
