I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
