Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize