i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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