I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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