Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
