M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize