You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
