we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
