Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
