You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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