Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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