I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
