It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize