I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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