I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize