Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
