I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
