So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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